Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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