Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
