i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
