i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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