Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
