he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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