we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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