Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
