made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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