Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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