i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
