can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
