i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
