Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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