All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
