I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
