fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
