This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
