I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
