actually, I'm a sock model
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
