apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
