Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize