Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
