Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
