So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
