My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
