dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
