I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
