I accidentally burped into my bong.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize