Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
