So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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