I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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