Barsexuality is the new black.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
