im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
