then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
