How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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