Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
