Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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