Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
