That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
