the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
