I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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