My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
