If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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