I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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