and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
