and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
