U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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