If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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