so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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