Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize