I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
