She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
