Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
