i already hear my dad disowning me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
