if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is Oprah even human
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
