You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize