Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
