They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
