Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
