I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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