mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
