I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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