You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
