Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
