I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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