hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
