Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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