come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
