my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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