do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
