i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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