My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
