Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize