Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
