I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Let's paint friendship bongs
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
