wanna go halves on a baby?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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