Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
