So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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