just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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