I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
