Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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