I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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