i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize