hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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