Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
