You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
