I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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