The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
