bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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