Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize