Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what day is it and did you see me today?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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