this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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