hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
