Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
