feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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