so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
