Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
