i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
