you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
