im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
