i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you had me at cake vodka
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
