Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize